Lemme Heffernan
On the Road in Iowa!
Auto-Generated Transcripts
Intro:
Chew it with a guy named Kevin, chew it, and this other guy, Steve, chew it from the TV and the mobs, and now this podcast, straight chew it. They’re going to get chewy, chew it. They might even get me chew it, but they’re going to get funky on this podcast.
Kevin Heffernan:
What’s up, man?
Steve Lemme:
Whats up? What is up with you,
Kevin Heffernan:
Queen? How’s it going? Oh man.
Steve Lemme:
Oh man. We’re literally,
Kevin Heffernan:
We’re doing another
Steve Lemme:
Chew. It’s a car cast,
Kevin Heffernan:
Do you think?
Steve Lemme:
Two weeks in a row. It’s
Kevin Heffernan:
Unbelievable. I think people will be shocked that we did two weeks in a row. We’re a
Steve Lemme:
Little late with this when we meant to have one out by Wednesday. But you know, we’ve been on the road traveling hard now. Yeah,
Kevin Heffernan:
We’re busy, man. Come on.
Steve Lemme:
And every time we land we’re exhausted. Yeah. But we’re in the car now.
Kevin Heffernan:
That makes you sound like a pussy. Every time
We get to our new town, we’re so exhausted.
Steve Lemme:
Well, it’s from all the boozing and drugging and horing.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah. Man, lemme tell you something, man.
No, just, there’s just a lot going on, bro. Yeah.
Steve Lemme:
Hey, listen, queen, I’m driving now. Okay. Okay. So I need you to take control and have some energy. Here
Kevin Heffernan:
I am. I’m in. Okay. I’m in the game, baby. Okay. Yeah, no, I’m navigating and that. What’s we, well, we didn’t say what we chewed. What’d you chew?
Steve Lemme:
Mm, I chewed. I am chewing Delicious Iowa beef
Kevin Heffernan:
Beef, huh?
Steve Lemme:
Fuck yeah,
Kevin Heffernan:
Dude. Okay. I beef delicious
Steve Lemme:
Iowa beef. It’s juicy. It’s delicious. Okay. What are you chewing?
Kevin Heffernan:
I’m che. I’m chewing some cheese curds.
Steve Lemme:
Ooh. In honor of
Kevin Heffernan:
Just being on the road, we had a little poutine last night at the restaurant we were at. Yep. And I had some cheese curds on my burger.
Steve Lemme:
And we’re driving into, which we
Kevin Heffernan:
Can talk about that in a
Steve Lemme:
Second. We’re driving into Wisconsin.
Kevin Heffernan:
We are driving into Wisco,
Steve Lemme:
The home of the cheese curd
Kevin Heffernan:
That’s right on the road. We are driving right now from Des Moines, although I’m told it’s pronounced Des Moines.
Steve Lemme:
Oh, well that’s the way the French intended it to
Kevin Heffernan:
South. I see. Okay. So in America we say Des Moines. But
Steve Lemme:
Here’s the thing, Kevin, in
Kevin Heffernan:
France, it’s Des Moines
Steve Lemme:
In this day and age of viral shit and trending shit. Yeah. You could potentially, you’re an influencer, Kev. Am I? You’re a social influencer that I’m, you could just make a push to start pronouncing it Des Moines. Okay.
Kevin Heffernan:
You could
Steve Lemme:
Say, Hey, you know what? We’re in America, for instance, Los Angeles Yeah. Is really Los Andes. But somebody like you said, you know what? Let’s Americanize it and pronounce it Los Angeles.
Kevin Heffernan:
Somebody like me. Yeah. The hell does that mean?
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. An American. I’m an ugly American. Said, okay. Let’s pronounce it Los Angeles.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. I guess I’ll own
Steve Lemme:
That. So let’s, let’s do that. Let’s pronounce it Des Moines. Okay. Des
Kevin Heffernan:
Moines. Alright, so we’re leaving Des Moines. Okay. We had a great show last night at On Our Way, Toke. That’s the way I pronounce it. Sure,
Steve Lemme:
Sure.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah. Which is a good drive. It’s a good five hour drive for me and you just to sit in a car together and stare forward, not say anything to each other.
Steve Lemme:
Well, the irony is that we were in Chicago before Des Moines. Yeah. And Chicago and Milwaukee are pretty close to each other. They
Kevin Heffernan:
Are. For some reason we routed
Steve Lemme:
Wrong. We’re
Kevin Heffernan:
Zigzagging
Steve Lemme:
Here
Kevin Heffernan:
Wrong. Yeah. It was a wrong routing. We routed wrong, but that’s okay. It gives us time to hang out. Look at these clouds out here.
Steve Lemme:
It gives you time to really see America. And I’m going to tell you this drive from Des Moines, so far it has been beautiful.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah. This eastern Iowa, Western Illinois stuff is just, it’s rolling fields
Steve Lemme:
And beautiful clouds, cotton, pure white cotton candy, beautiful clouds over a beautiful blue sky with nothing but green.
Kevin Heffernan:
I’ll tell you what your criticism is though. I’ve seen, I’ve heard it already. Yeah. It’s this two lane highway. This
Steve Lemme:
Fucking thing has taken years off of my life
Kevin Heffernan:
Because the tractor trailers, they jump out to the fast lane, then just can’t get around it. Well, we
Steve Lemme:
Got stuck. What was really killing me is we got stuck behind an 18 wheeler in the fast lane and then a pickup truck in the slow lane. And they were going the exact same speed they were going. They
Kevin Heffernan:
Tag teaming
Steve Lemme:
70 miles an hour in a 70. Yeah.
Kevin Heffernan:
But let’s not dwell on the negative. Steve.
Steve Lemme:
You know what? Let’s
Kevin Heffernan:
Keep it positive,
Steve Lemme:
Man. Do you know what? It gives us more time to soak in the beauty of this beautiful road. That’s right.
Kevin Heffernan:
That’s right.
Steve Lemme:
These beautiful cloud. These are some of the most beautiful clouds I’ve ever seen in my life.
Kevin Heffernan:
Alright, so here’s where, that’s what we’re doing. We’re driving from Des Moines to Milwaukee.
Steve Lemme:
I want to chew on these clouds.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah, I know. It’s like cotton candy. I cotton candy. Look how
Steve Lemme:
Fucking beautiful
Kevin Heffernan:
Those clouds are. I know, but they can’t see it. So let’s not dwell on that. Well,
Steve Lemme:
If you took a picture and put it on Instagram,
Kevin Heffernan:
I keep, don’t, I’m not on Instagram.
Steve Lemme:
Insinuating.
Kevin Heffernan:
I’m not on Instagram. Alright. So anyway, so tonight we’ll be in Milwaukee at Turner Hall. This is, we’re recording on Friday, May 10th. And so yeah, tonight Turner Hall. And then Sunday night, I think this will drop in time at least to get people to go Sunday night. Sunday night will be in Minneapolis. That’s May 12th. Yeah. We’ll be at the Cedar Cultural Center, which sounds very, very highfalutin, doesn’t it? Yeah.
Steve Lemme:
Now listen. Now listen here, I’m going to tell you something. That’s Mother’s Day.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah, it is Mother’s Day. I’ll
Steve Lemme:
Tell you what, anybody who comes with their mother,
Kevin Heffernan:
What are you going to do? What are you going to do?
Steve Lemme:
I’m going to give ’em a hug.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay.
Steve Lemme:
I’m going to give ’em a hug. If
Kevin Heffernan:
You bring your mother, you get a hug.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. You get a, and your mom get a nice big hug.
Kevin Heffernan:
I think you would do that anyway, Lenny.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Well, no, I wouldn’t necessarily just go around hugging people’s mothers. Okay. But if you bring your mother
Kevin Heffernan:
Hugging people’s mothers to the
Steve Lemme:
Show, I thought
Kevin Heffernan:
That’s what you
Steve Lemme:
Do. And you’re a
Kevin Heffernan:
Mother hugger.
Steve Lemme:
I’m a mother hugger. Good enough to hug your mother.
Kevin Heffernan:
Steve Lemmy. He’s a mother hugger.
Steve Lemme:
Oh, that mother hugger you.
Kevin Heffernan:
Mother hugger. I like that. That’s a great new Write that shit down. Yeah. Mother hugger. I’m write that down.
Steve Lemme:
Mother hugger.
Kevin Heffernan:
Mother hugger. Steve. Okay, thanks. So you’re going to hug anyone’s mother who shows up Minnesota. Okay. So yeah, I think it’s eight o’clock, right? Eight o’clock at Cedar Cultural Center. Yeah. Although I heard it used to be a the, I did her phone, a radio phoner in Minnesota the other day, and the guy told me it was an old movie theater or something like that. Really? Yeah. So it’s okay. And then they turn it into a place where they have bands and stuff. So the Cedar Cultural Center will be there in Minnesota, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Sunday night. I
Steve Lemme:
Can’t, May 12th. Wait. I have to admit worried Sunday in Minnesota. I’m not insulting the good people of Minnesota here.
Kevin Heffernan:
Well, Sunday, anywhere. Sunday’s a tough draw anyway. And especially on Mother’s Day. People make plans, they go out, they take their mother out to dinner or whatever, you know what I mean?
Steve Lemme:
Well’s, take your mother to our
Kevin Heffernan:
Show and it’ll be your mother hugger. Yeah. And
Steve Lemme:
I’ll do mother hugger. I’ll do my famous impression of what it’s like to make love to a girl from,
Kevin Heffernan:
You should do that anyway,
Steve Lemme:
Minneapolis. I’m going to. Don’t
Kevin Heffernan:
Give it away now. Make people come and see it.
Steve Lemme:
Okay.
Kevin Heffernan:
Alright. So that’s Minnesota. So tonight, Milwaukee, if we get this up, hear it. But tonight will be at Turner Hall, and then Sunday night will be in Minneapolis at the Sea Cultural Center. And then we’re going to take some time off, not some time off, a week off to do some Tacoma FD stuff, which we’ll talk about in a second. And then the next week we head back out again and we’re going to do a little stretch. We’re going to do the northwest, the Pacific Northwest. We’re going to do Portland on Sunday, May 19th. There’s another Sunday. That’s
Steve Lemme:
Right.
Kevin Heffernan:
Sunday, May 19th will be the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. And then the next night we were returning to the scene of the crime Tacoma, Washington Tacoma, when we did the Tacoma Comedy Club on Monday night, the 20th. And there aren’t a lot of tickets left. I think they added a new show and it’s almost sold out. So the first one’s sold out, and then the new one’s almost sold out. So if you want to get tickets zip in there to Tacoma Comedy Club.
Steve Lemme:
I’m worried about that. Show. Those shows. Why? Well, because I know a lot of firefighters are going to be there. I
Kevin Heffernan:
Know it.
Steve Lemme:
And not Are you scared? You’re
Kevin Heffernan:
Scared, you
Steve Lemme:
Mean, or what? No, no. What it is is we have to go to Boulder the next day. And last time we were in Tacoma, we partied with a lot of the firefighters that are going to be at these live shows. And we had to leave. But we don’t, I think they’re going to pound us into the ground. That’s what I’m talking
Kevin Heffernan:
About. Well, within reason, we can do within reason. I mean, I’m trying to remember what time our flight is the next day I booked it, so I can’t remember what the flight is, but probably morning flight. Yeah. So I don’t know how hard you’re going to be able to go with Tacoma fd, the real Tacoma fd, but whatever. We’ll see.
Steve Lemme:
I know, but
Kevin Heffernan:
I’m have a good time. We’ll do a couple shows with them.
Steve Lemme:
I’m going to ask my wife if making love to a female firefighter is a sex exception, that just exception. If I can do that.
Kevin Heffernan:
Because why do you expect that to happen? Or
Steve Lemme:
What it is? I discovered I’m starting to develop a thing for female firefighters. What
Kevin Heffernan:
Is that? What do you mean an attraction? Well,
Steve Lemme:
An attraction. A
Kevin Heffernan:
Fetish?
Steve Lemme:
No, not
Kevin Heffernan:
A FET fetish to steal a line from our TV
Steve Lemme:
Show. No, no, no. Not a fetish. Okay. Not a no, no, it’s not. I can only,
Kevin Heffernan:
Well, I’m saying you want them in the uniform. I think they’re not the turnout gear and the masks and stuff. You know what
Steve Lemme:
I what? I don’t know why this is, but I do think I’m like Andy Mayi in that I like to get my ass kicked a little bit by dominant women.
Kevin Heffernan:
You like to get smacked around a little bit. Well, I feel like that’s where the premise came from. We get the joke from your, your personal, you’re right. Desires. We wrote it, what the
Steve Lemme:
Fuck? No, it’s true. We all know that. I like women who are
Kevin Heffernan:
Taller, super tall.
Steve Lemme:
And
Kevin Heffernan:
So you’ve been going around a lot and you’ve been meeting female firefighters and that it’s been kind of turning you on. Is that what you’re saying? Well,
Steve Lemme:
They’re really strong.
Kevin Heffernan:
They are.
Steve Lemme:
They’re really strong. They’re strong. And they, they’re physical too. And they pick you up. And now it’s like on ins on Insta,
Kevin Heffernan:
On ig.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah, on the ig. Yeah. Getting a lot of firefighters who are following now and on Twitter too. And it’s like
Kevin Heffernan:
They’re coming to the live shows. Yeah. There’s
Steve Lemme:
Like something so hot about female firefighters. They, they’ll rescue you. They’ll sling you over their shoulder and bring you to the bedroom. You know what I’m talking about?
Kevin Heffernan:
I guess so. Yeah. They’re
Steve Lemme:
Capable of
Kevin Heffernan:
That. Yeah. I mean, as a bigger guy, I don’t have that. You as a little guy, you have that thing as a bigger guy. I don’t necessarily have that thing,
Steve Lemme:
But there were some Tacoma female firefighters who could pick you up.
Kevin Heffernan:
Oh, oh, they did Then they did. I mean, there’s no question about it. I’m just saying I don’t have the same fetish
Steve Lemme:
That, but there was one female firefighter in Tacoma who could have dragged us both out. Yeah,
Kevin Heffernan:
Sure.
Steve Lemme:
She was like six foot four. And could’ve pulled us both
Kevin Heffernan:
Out of a burning building. Oh, sure. And that turns you on even more, didn’t it? Oh, I loved it. And so what do you think your wife will say? No fucking way. No fucking way.
Steve Lemme:
She’ll just be like, what’d you just say?
Kevin Heffernan:
You want a firefighter, a woman?
Steve Lemme:
What’d you just say?
Kevin Heffernan:
What if she put on what a firefighter costume would that it
Steve Lemme:
Would be instant. Would
Kevin Heffernan:
It do it
Steve Lemme:
For you? Oh my God. I would love that. But my wife, her thing would be like, what a naughty, naughty
Kevin Heffernan:
Firefighter. Like naughty firefighter.
Steve Lemme:
Be like a tight fishnet. Like a slutty firefighter. Hey
Kevin Heffernan:
Me’s wife, why don’t we get dressed up as a
Steve Lemme:
Firefighter? I’m going to ask, maybe for Halloween, I’ll have her go as a firefighter.
Kevin Heffernan:
But you should now should get her the real thing. The baggy turnouts and the, you know what I mean? The S C B A and the surely like the whole apparat. Yeah. Maybe some of that glistening soot makeup. Maybe some fake soot
Steve Lemme:
That we talk about. Yeah. Get it all over her face. Okay.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. I like that. You’ve got a new thing now, like that. I
Steve Lemme:
Do. I, it’s like, so here are my fetishes or my things.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay.
Steve Lemme:
These are the things I like, like taller women. I also anchor women. Right?
Kevin Heffernan:
Sure.
Steve Lemme:
And I’ve always had a thing, and this is from easy to pinpoint from a New York City business, women in sneakers on the subway. I, I’m really attracted to that too.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You like the sneakers? I like the sneakers. It’s like you’re in the skirt, in the suit, in the pants suit. Not the pants suit, the skirt and the top. And then you got the sneakers on. Well, you,
Steve Lemme:
For your subway walk, they’re commuting. Why are they going to wear uncomfortable shoes?
Kevin Heffernan:
Absolutely. No. I used to work in the law firm there in New York, and the every day at checkout time, the secretaries would put their sneakers on at their desks and then walk over to the elevator and then I’ll walk out.
Steve Lemme:
Sure, sure. I also have a thing for female. Yeah. But we know the origins of that.
Kevin Heffernan:
You like tiny hands.
Steve Lemme:
That’s right. That’s right. I like small middle fingers, tiny
Kevin Heffernan:
Hands. I know, I get it. I feel you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright. Where was I? We were talking about our tour. Yeah. Whew. I got derailed it. So we got derailed. Boulder Holiness. Boulder is the next night is the 20th, right? So, okay. No, that’s the 21st. So Tacoma, we’re talking about being in Tacoma. Tacoma will be there Monday night the 20th. By the way, Kevin, there are two shows there. Yeah.
Steve Lemme:
Sorry. Sorry. Can I go off on another tangent for a second? Well,
Kevin Heffernan:
I don’t know.
Steve Lemme:
Okay, go. No, no. Should we hold onto it? Stick to your list.
Kevin Heffernan:
Should we hold on that on your tangent? I’m just trying to get to the fucking list. Here. Let me please, please.
Steve Lemme:
Hey, listen, I know you and your lists,
Kevin Heffernan:
Please. Then we just, you can go off the rails. Go as much as you want. Hey, listen, you can do one of your Instagram lives. You just go off the fucking rails if
Steve Lemme:
You want. I dunno know. This is a comedy podcast. It’s a comedy podcast. It’s not a list
Kevin Heffernan:
Podcast. And I think we’re, we’re peppering comedy through our, my list. I think it’s wonderful what we’re doing here. Okay. But let’s just get through the goddamn list.
Steve Lemme:
Okay. But I’m trying to make some jokes here. Okay.
Kevin Heffernan:
Keep making jokes, but just when you say, can I go on a tangent? I can’t.
Steve Lemme:
Okay, sure. I can’t accept that. I should just go on the tangent. Well,
Kevin Heffernan:
I guess so. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So Tacoma the 20th Monday night. Come see us the next night. Boulder the 21st. Right. Tuesday night, the 21st, we’ll be in Boulder at the Boulder Theater. Tickets are going faster. That, and we might have some special
Steve Lemme:
Guests there. We might have a few very special guests,
Kevin Heffernan:
Very special
Steve Lemme:
Guests, very special. The most special guests
Kevin Heffernan:
That I think the fans of our films would be very excited to
Steve Lemme:
See. Okay. I’ll just tell you, the Rolling Stones are going to be opening for us.
Kevin Heffernan:
Oh,
Steve Lemme:
Okay. No, that’s not some very
Kevin Heffernan:
Special. Yeah. Mick got over his surgery. He didn’t have heart surgery recently.
Steve Lemme:
Hey, listen, he and I, you know, we’re going to convalesce together. I know
Kevin Heffernan:
Your surgeries at opposite ends though. Okay. So are we revealing who the guests are or are We’re just teasing. We’re
Steve Lemme:
Just tea. No, no, we’re just
Kevin Heffernan:
Teasing. Okay.
Steve Lemme:
We’re just teasing. I’m
Kevin Heffernan:
Some super special guests. That few folks that maybe we’ve known for a long time. The real
Steve Lemme:
Question is like, do we ever see, now you’re revealing too much because you want I
Kevin Heffernan:
Am.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Now
Kevin Heffernan:
I don’t think I am. I’ve known my parents for a long time.
Steve Lemme:
Maybe it’s not, I think Kevin’s parents are going to be opening for us. Yeah, baby. At our show.
Kevin Heffernan:
But we’ll just, we’re still working on the logistics though, right? So we can’t really promise anything.
Steve Lemme:
That’s what I’m talking about. That’s why you keep
Kevin Heffernan:
It vague. Okay. Okay. It’s vague. It’s vague.
Steve Lemme:
Listen, Kev. Yeah. Lemme tell you about me. Yeah,
Kevin Heffernan:
I know.
Steve Lemme:
I used to have loose lips. Now I don’t anymore. I
Kevin Heffernan:
Know it. You, you’ve really dialed it back up. So don’t be super proud of you, man. Super proud of you. Thanks, bro. Okay, so Boulder, come see us in Boulder because remember says yes. Okay. Okay. And then Chad and Kathy over here. I know. And then we’re flying to New York and we’re going to do our last show, this little run at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City on Thursday, May 23rd. And there are tickets available for that. So if you want to come see us in the Big Apple at the Bowery Ballroom, which I’ve done a show at before with Chandra Sekar. Yeah. Is a great venue for, it’s like a rowdy, gritty, dirty rock and roll venue.
Steve Lemme:
It’s a rock and roll place. Oh man, this road is fucking killing me. Yeah, you’re here. Look at this line. Just
Kevin Heffernan:
Focus on the funny, bro. Okay. Focus on the funny.
Steve Lemme:
I’m always focused on the funny, bro.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. So the Bowery Ballroom, May 23rd, get your tickets. All these things are up@heffernanle.com. Just go there, check it out. Heffernan le.com. truTV also put their dates up there. The tru true tv.com. Yeah. And they have all the tour dates suit.
Steve Lemme:
Hey, Hey, new Yorkers. I’m a New Yorker. Don’t embarrass me by not coming to this. I know, right? Bowery Ballroom trip. I’ll tell you what, for every native New Yorker that comes to the Bowery Ballroom, I will give your mother a hug. You
Kevin Heffernan:
Mother hugger you mother hugger.
Steve Lemme:
Bring your moms to the Bowery Bow Ballroom Show. I’m in a mom kind of mood today.
Kevin Heffernan:
That’s
Steve Lemme:
Weird. For Mother’s day’s. Mom’s
Kevin Heffernan:
Fire. Is that a fetish for yours too?
Steve Lemme:
I mean, moms
Kevin Heffernan:
And
Steve Lemme:
Firefighters. Moms are beautiful people. Moms. Moms are the most beautiful people on the earth. I hear you brother. Moms and teachers. I hear you. I love moms and teachers. I
Kevin Heffernan:
Hear you.
Steve Lemme:
Anyway, I’m with
Kevin Heffernan:
You. Okay. That’s the tour. There’s your tour, the tour dates. Okay. We’ve been having a blast. There’s tons of chew grouping coming out to the show so
Steve Lemme:
Far. Last night in Des Moines, we had a lot of Cchu crew. We had
Kevin Heffernan:
A lot of Cchu crew and a lot of good hugs, a lot of good cchu crew hugs, lot of hugs. Mothers and fathers.
Steve Lemme:
Mothers and fathers. Father
Kevin Heffernan:
Hugger,
Steve Lemme:
All kinds of people.
Kevin Heffernan:
And it’s fun to see the CH crew. We apologize for our lack of production, but we’re back on that front.
Steve Lemme:
But we’re back now here. We’re we’re doing
Kevin Heffernan:
It, man. Okay. So we got a bunch of other things you want to talk to. I mean, talk about, talk about a road trip a little bit, but you have this tangent you wanted. Go on.
Steve Lemme:
You want me to No, no, no, no. You want me to step
Kevin Heffernan:
Into the road trip there?
Steve Lemme:
No. And I don’t like the way you do your segues either, where you say, okay, now the next thing we’re going to talk about is you didn’t do
Kevin Heffernan:
It. It’s no nonsense. Okay. Alright. So we’ve been on this road trip. It’s been pretty fun. We’re driving. Have
Steve Lemme:
You been having a good time, Kev,
Kevin Heffernan:
On the road trip? Yes. It’s great. It’s been great. I like road trips a lot. I like getting the old car driving. I
Steve Lemme:
Find you can get a lot done on a road trip. You
Kevin Heffernan:
Really can just now look at this right
Steve Lemme:
Now on the plane to Chicago. I worked a lot. Yeah. I’m trying to get ahead of, if we get picked up for season two, which we have not yet. Right. I’m trying to get ahead of that and I’m starting to compile all the ideas
Kevin Heffernan:
Into a document. Yeah. We’ve got a crapload of ideas.
Steve Lemme:
We got a crap
Kevin Heffernan:
Load. We got page and page. I mean, we can do this TV show for 10 goddamn years.
Steve Lemme:
We can do it longer than that. Because here’s the thing, it’s like every city we go to, we keep meeting firefighters. We’re getting more and more firefighters that are live shows. And every firefighter has fucking stories for us. It’s
Kevin Heffernan:
Unbelievable. It’s unbelievable. Look at these. I just want to say, look at these wonderful windmills right here.
Steve Lemme:
They, they’re beautiful People can’t see that’s, people see that. Right? Does that sound familiar? Kev?
Kevin Heffernan:
But I heard that Donald Trump says that they give you cancer, they give these windmills, give you ca the sound of them give you cancer.
Steve Lemme:
Why? What have you have? Ear cancer? I what?
Kevin Heffernan:
I dunno. I don’t know how that works. Okay, I’m sorry. Yeah, you can’t see that. So whatever. But we’re on this road trip and I’ve been having a great time and we’ve had some food. We had some good, you know what they have, they have a good meat here in Iowa. Oh
Steve Lemme:
Shit. That’s why I’m chewing Iowa beef.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah, they have good, I mean, when I’m talking about highbrow restaurants, we went to McDonald’s in Iowa. Well on the road, road trip.
Steve Lemme:
Now, to be fair, we woke up in Chicago. We had a five plus hour drive to Des Moines. We got on the road immediately after about three hours we were starving. All we could get to was at McDonald’s. But I’m not going to sell.
Kevin Heffernan:
No. That’s part of road tripping across America. Stop by a McDonald’s. Yeah.
Steve Lemme:
But I think that secretly what you’re doing is apologizing to your wife who listens to this podcast. Well,
Kevin Heffernan:
She will definitely be disappointed in me.
Steve Lemme:
But that’s all there was to eat
Kevin Heffernan:
And for not eating more healthy. But have you prolonging my life? You’re
Steve Lemme:
Very good at exercising in the road. I’ve noticed. You’re very good about it.
Kevin Heffernan:
I’ve been pretty good about it. Although I didn’t do it yesterday. Okay. So anyway, so my wife is going to be mad at me for going to McDonald’s. Yes. Yeah,
Steve Lemme:
That’s so fine. We went to McDonald’s. Okay. I had a quarter pounder with cheese meal. And I’m going to tell you this, I actually think it might have been the best McDonald’s burger I’d had. We were in Iowa. Yeah. I don’t remember the town, but the beef was juicy. Sure. And delicious.
Kevin Heffernan:
But that it doesn’t, they don’t go go get the burger from Iowa in a shit. It’s in a truck that comes from Brazil or some shit like that.
Steve Lemme:
All I am saying was the quality of this Iowa. Now look, I might have been, might be the power of suggestion. Sure. But I mean, you had one of those burgers. It
Kevin Heffernan:
Was delicious.
Steve Lemme:
How did it rate?
Kevin Heffernan:
It was one of the best McDonald’s hamburgers I’ve ever had.
Steve Lemme:
Okay. There we go. And I
Kevin Heffernan:
Don’t know why, maybe it was a good truck shipment
Steve Lemme:
Today. I mean, maybe in Iowa they do use Iowa beef for their McDonald’s burgers.
Kevin Heffernan:
I would say no. I would say probably that,
Steve Lemme:
But yeah. Then you also have a hamburger last night in, yeah.
Kevin Heffernan:
So last night we finished the show. We went and got by Dita. Afterwards we went to a place called Zombie Burger. I think it was called Zombie
Steve Lemme:
Burger. It Zombie Burger.
Kevin Heffernan:
And it was a place called Street in the Hotel. And it was delicious. It was a delicious burger I had, and it had, they have all kinds of different burgers you can get. I got mine had cheese and bacon and a fried pickle and some cheese curds. And it was so good that I gave you a bite of
Steve Lemme:
It. You really
Kevin Heffernan:
Did. And I was ready to down the whole thing.
Steve Lemme:
I was like, Kevin never offers me
Kevin Heffernan:
A burger. Right. I was like, you got to try this. Yeah. And you did. Agreed.
Steve Lemme:
I did. I regretted that I didn’t order a burger.
Kevin Heffernan:
So maybe mean, maybe Iowa just has great fucking
Steve Lemme:
Yeah, that Burger. Burger in general. So that burger was
Kevin Heffernan:
Delicious. Good. It’s really good. It was delicious. Alright, should we move on to some other stuff here? Sure. Yeah. Let’s move on to the mess,
Steve Lemme:
The master of the segue.
Kevin Heffernan:
Kevin Heifer. Yeah, we, well, we were talking about Instagram a little bit. And you’ve been doing for the Chuka out there who also on Instagram and you’re following Lemi. We’ve been doing some live updates from the road. Yeah. Also, right? Yeah. So you can check now, how does it work? Does it get stored there? If someone goes and says, I want to watch what they did yesterday, they can do that. Or it’s, is it just
Steve Lemme:
Live? It goes into your feed and it’s there for a 24 hours or something like that.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. So there is a ticking clock on it, or no? Well,
Steve Lemme:
So no, it is live while you’re recording. It is live. I
Kevin Heffernan:
Get
Steve Lemme:
That. But then it gets stored for 24 hours and people can still watch it and comment on it and you get more views. So it doesn’t just die when you turn the camera off. And people love that people. But
Kevin Heffernan:
I’m saying if, can the chew crew go and watch what we did yesterday now or No, it’s gone
Steve Lemme:
Now. That one is gone.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. But there’ll be more.
Steve Lemme:
There will, well, we did one last night from the green room of our show, which was hysterical.
Kevin Heffernan:
Holy shit. That was a great one.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah, because that’s,
Kevin Heffernan:
I’m, I’m a dumb guy who is like, holy shit. Technology look at technology is so amazing.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Well listen, we happen to be, I suppose we’re dinosaurs, but we’ve grown up in the age of technology, so we’re not really resistant to it. But it is, you realize it’s just a matter of where your comfort zone is. So for instance, my dad, when I got a digital watch when I was a kid, my dad didn’t want one. He’s like, it is too complicated. And when I got a, Hey, you want to pick up that hitchhiker? Nah, that’s cool. That guy’s got bodies. That guy’s got heads in that
Kevin Heffernan:
Bag. He’s got a garbage bag with him. Okay.
Steve Lemme:
And when the D V D came out, I bought my dad a D V D player. He’s like, no mijo, I don’t want it. I like my VH s tapes. I was like, dad, I’m going to hook it up. I’m going to show you how to do this. It’s the new
Kevin Heffernan:
Thing. No,
Steve Lemme:
No, Steven, no. And now he loves DVDs. Sure. Or he loved DVDs for a while, but not now.
Kevin Heffernan:
He streams.
Steve Lemme:
But that’s us. Like we reached our comfort level and now it’s like you get all these different social media things. It’s like one after the other. And we’re just wired differently. Creative people. We just want to write comedy, I
Kevin Heffernan:
Guess. But I do feel like I’m better than the previous generation and that I do embrace new technologies.
Steve Lemme:
But you
Kevin Heffernan:
Just complain about it.
Steve Lemme:
But that’s what every generation does, right? It’s a natural progression. Well,
Kevin Heffernan:
Some just don’t, like my dad still doesn’t email. You know what I’m saying?
Steve Lemme:
Sure. No, but I’m saying even the one, even people who are on, see, this is where I sound like an idiot, but people who are on Twitch and all the fucking things we’ve got now. Sure.
Kevin Heffernan:
TikTok and all shit. All that
Steve Lemme:
Shit. Yeah. There will come a time in 20 years where all those people are in their forties and they will be annoyed at the news,
Kevin Heffernan:
The flying cars and all that shit.
Steve Lemme:
Well, because comfortable with their thing, they, they’ve got a handle on this thing and it’s a natural progression I guess. So anyway, Instagram, however is not that complicated to
Kevin Heffernan:
Tell the story about the thing that happened last night That was really funny.
Steve Lemme:
Well, let me just back it up. During my Instagram live feed yesterday, right from the car, at some point I heard you give out the irritated side.
Kevin Heffernan:
Well, yes I did. Because I think you go too long. It’s like, it’s being on the phone, being on a phone call with you. We’ve talked about this, talking to the waitress. It’s like there’s a natural end point to the conversation. Sure. You always go a little too far.
Steve Lemme:
Sure. A
Kevin Heffernan:
Little too long. But one more question,
Steve Lemme:
But we weren’t running out of anything. We were having a good time. We had Marcus on the phone. It was fun. It was sure. And people loved it. There wasn’t anybody on the, you can see all the comments that was like, you know what, this has gone long enough. What they were saying is, why is Kevin such a wet blanket? That’s what they were saying. Because it
Kevin Heffernan:
Was going on too long for you. It’s like when you go to an improv show, I’ve told you this. It’s like you improv show and they’re waiting to end the scene and you go, you get the big laugh and then they slam the lights out. That’s the way you end it. You know what I mean? But yours kind of, it’s as if the big laugh came and then you talked a little bit longer and lingered on a little. Kevin,
Steve Lemme:
This is your filter on this. People like this. I may bere. This is the age of social media. And what somebody was actually telling me about it last night was that it’s giving people access to look like it or not. Kev. Yeah. We make comedy. We’re on television, we make films. I know. And people don’t get to interact with people who do that kind of thing. Or if you have fans and everybody who’s watching that thing is a fan. That’s what it is. If you like somebody, you sign up to follow them. I wish following wasn’t the term for it, but whatever. For better or worse, that’s it. And so they are enjoying what you’re doing. And if they get bored, you know what they can do, Kev? Yeah. They can turn it off.
Kevin Heffernan:
But any and what if I get bored? What if I get
Steve Lemme:
Bored? Well, and that brings us to exactly where I was.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. You
Steve Lemme:
Were not so much bored as you were just irritated and ready for it to be over. And that’s fine. I complied. Okay. And I turned it off. Then in the green room, I said, Hey Kev, I want to do another one. And you were like,
Kevin Heffernan:
Did you? No. All I said was okay, just keep it tight. Let me, yeah, you did keep it tight, brother. The
Steve Lemme:
Little song and dance that you give me every time we go on a radio
Kevin Heffernan:
Show. Sure. Keep it tight, my man. Just keep it tight.
Steve Lemme:
And so we did it and at some point I think you were like, do you, is there anybody out there in the audience who’s listening or who’s watching this feed right now? Right. Said almost
Kevin Heffernan:
Skeptical. I was almost skeptical
Steve Lemme:
About it. And we said, let’s, like if you’re out there, go like woo woo or something like that and there’s a delay. So we’re doing it live. There’s probably like a ten second delay for it for the feed to get out there. And as we were discussing it, we heard the woo woo from the crowd out there. Sure, sure. Great. And then we had them
Kevin Heffernan:
Say, what a great moment. It was funny. We
Steve Lemme:
Had them say, I’m an asshole. And if they said I’m an asshole, they were going to get a free beer. A beer on the meet and greet line. That’s right. And sure enough, after 10 seconds, we heard a bunch of people scream out, I’m an asshole and you can hear it. I went back and checked. You could hear it on the feed feet. So people were watching
Kevin Heffernan:
The feed. So funny. We
Steve Lemme:
Were actually responding
Kevin Heffernan:
To it. People were actually watching us. We were, yeah. Live Instagramming backstage. Is that what you call it? Is that what you call it?
Steve Lemme:
So I actually think from now on, I’m always going to do that. I liked that interaction with the
Kevin Heffernan:
Crowd. Okay. Okay.
Steve Lemme:
So before each show, well, well then we’ll do it. We’ll keep it tight, brother. Sure.
Kevin Heffernan:
Tight
Steve Lemme:
Brother. Five one. Yeah.
Kevin Heffernan:
Have ’em yell something
Steve Lemme:
Different. You know what I mean? But anyway, I really enjoyed that and I was
Kevin Heffernan:
Glad that was fun. And who yelled? There were a bunch of firefighters. There was
Steve Lemme:
Firefighters. There were
Kevin Heffernan:
A bunch of firefighters around there watching the line feed. Yeah. Which is great. It’s great. No, I think that’s the other fun thing is that so many firefighters have been coming to a live show and we’ve meeting them and when you meet them, then they tell you story. Then you get news stories. You know what I mean? Or they reaffirm the stuff that you had in your episode. They’re like, Hey, we had the same thing. We met a bunch of guys last night and they were the A shift. And they’re talking about how B shift sucks. Yeah. C shift was on duty while they went to the show. And then B shift just didn’t want to go to the show. Yeah. But the whole a shift went to the show. Yeah. Because they said a shift’s the best.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Yeah. Well it is a shift is the best. I mean, we are a shift,
Kevin Heffernan:
Which was our episode five actually,
Steve Lemme:
Kev, if I’m being technically correct, I am the A shift. Not the A shift. No, I’m not
Kevin Heffernan:
The A shift. You’re the chief. I’m the chief. I’m the all shifts. You have all shifts. Yeah. You’re the a shift.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. I wonder if we should do an episode where you’re off for the weekend and the age shift
Kevin Heffernan:
Breaks loose all fucking hell. And we don’t want to, there’s no order. There’s no lists.
Steve Lemme:
We don’t want to tell you. Now you have to write that down, Kev. You have to write these episode ideas down.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. Okay. I’m busy.
Steve Lemme:
Okay. Anyway, I’ll write it down afterward. Okay. Here’s something else. We’ve talked about how firefighters to lift us up in the air. Yeah. I, I’ve come to really appreciate something which was Cousin Bill. Your cousin Bill Heffernan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Firefighter in Connecticut had told us, he said, we’re not, we’re adrenaline junkies and we’re not crazy because we fight fires. We’re crazy because we’d love to fight fires and has, now that we’re getting to know firefighters, I am realizing that there is a personality type, that it’s a type of personality. And it’s like the firefighters are the ones naturally who screamed out I’m an asshole. Right. And then came up to us and chatted with us because that is, they are crazy. Sure. Firefighters are a little bit, they’re wild
Kevin Heffernan:
People. I think some of ’em were groping you too. They
Steve Lemme:
Were grabbing my ass. A lot of firefighters have been grabbing my ass lately. And yours by the way. But you know what it is? I think firefighters, if this was Game of Thrones, they’re the wildlings. Oh,
Kevin Heffernan:
You
Steve Lemme:
Do? They’re the wildlings. It’s have the,
Kevin Heffernan:
They’re a torment giants Bain,
Steve Lemme:
They grew up sucking a giant milk off of a giant teet.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay, I got it.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. That’s
Kevin Heffernan:
It. No, I mean I think it’s funny that they grope you, especially after you told ’em about your hernia thing. But we’ll get to that in a second. But the funny thing is, they come up and they say the same thing. We had one guy come up and this’ll make cousin Bill laugh. And he came up and he criticized, he’s like, what are the tanks you’re wearing? The bottles, the air tanks that we wear? What the heck were those you’re wearing? And he was like, when we were set up a firefighter museum and we put those with the tanks that we put in the museum. And I’m like, I know it’s funny, funny when they recognize the thing. But that’s episode three when you gave em mouth to mouth of the cat. And it was the first episode we did. And the props guys had just gotten the first tanks and the only tanks they got available were these super old metal tanks.
And now they’re new and updated and better. But when cousin Bill came to the set and saw the tanks, he’s like, what the hell is this stuff? This is what I wore as a rookie. They were, and they’re heavy and they’re shitty and they don’t work. And so he, cousin Bill called us out on him. And then these firefighters called us out on it last night. They’re like, what the hell were those tanks you were wearing? Which I thought was pretty funny that they caught it because we switched that out. We switched the tanks out. That’s
Steve Lemme:
A father son duo. It was
Kevin Heffernan:
A father. Father-son du. And they were firefighters together. And they, they’re the ones who noticed the tanks. It’s cool. Which I thought was funny. It
Steve Lemme:
Is cool, man. I think we have a different view on law enforcement and first responders now that other people don’t get. And it’s like, we just get to know these people and they’re just amazing. They’re amazing. And it is funny to see the different personality types. And it’s like every firefighter, the thing I’ve been enjoying the most is that the firefighters we meet keep consistently commenting on the fact that that Tacoma FD is actually the most accurate view of fire station life. Because all the other firefighter shows are dramas that just have great looking dudes who are crying and our show and focuses on the station life and the pranks and the grab assery and all that stuff. And that that’s a much more accurate. And
Kevin Heffernan:
Also, I think those calls, those, they, they’ve been kind of reaffirming the calls. They go on. We did that full moon fever episode a couple weeks ago where guys had their dick stuck and stuff. Now people, firefighters come and tell us the randomest places they’ve gotten people’s dicks unstuck from last night. A guy was telling us about a tide bottle. Somebody fucked a tide bottle and got their dick
Steve Lemme:
Stuck. And another one said a shampoo bottle.
Kevin Heffernan:
And they’re like, God, it was gross. The dick was so purple. And I was like, I don’t really want to hear it. I don’t want to hear the fucking details.
Steve Lemme:
I do want to hear the details. I think it’s hilarious. But that’s the thing. It’s like, because had funny thing, what was it? Your son who was like, do guys really do that with their,
Kevin Heffernan:
In the spirit of bad parenting, he watched that episode where the, there’s a fleshlight spoiler fleshlight in the opening scene and he wanted to know if that was a real thing is flashlights were real thing. And of course that was the moment where I made eye contact with my wife and she scowled at me about me exposing our son to a fleshlight.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah, no, it’s funny.
Kevin Heffernan:
That’s a real thing.
Steve Lemme:
We were at for the week six episode for that full moon episode. We had the cast, we had a little cast get together at my house and you were there, Kev. I was
Kevin Heffernan:
It
Steve Lemme:
Great. And we had a great time. It’s the first time, amazingly, just because we’re in post-production and Kevin and I have been editing the episodes and putting them together and then traveling around to promote. It was the first time that just the cast has been able to hang out and celebrate since we shot the series. And so everyone came over to my house and we had some drinks and we watched the show. Now before we watched it, we had a little visitor. My seven year old son woke up, I guess we woke him up and he came out and he got to watch to episode six of Tacoma fd. Now he’s seen all the other episodes, but this time he got to watch it live with the whole cast. That’s a dirty episode. And we also watch it late. This is like 11:00 PM and he’s seven, his bedtime is at eight.
And so he watched and he had a great time. He loves the show. It’s the first time he has ever asked to watch an episode again was the full moon episode and really of the Blood Red Moon. And my younger son wanted to watch the Blood Red Moon again. They just thought that was cool. But while we were watching, first he asked me why I kept mispronouncing flashlight. He said, why do you keep saying flashlight? He’s seven. He doesn’t even know. I just said, oh, that’s just, I guess I just say it funny. Flashlight just
Kevin Heffernan:
Said, well, lemme tell you son. It’s a vagina stuffed inside of a flashlight.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Lemme tell you how daddy made the, and mommy made you okay. But then he also we’re talking about dick’s and he said, dad, daddy, what does dick mean? And I said, it’s another word for penis. Right. And he said, is it a bad word? He heard the word dickhead from the transformers. Okay. And I had told him he couldn’t say that. He said, so is it a bad word? I said, yes, it is a bad word and you can’t say that in school. So definitely don’t do that. But then it was just cute. Then the next day he spelled it d i k. And it’s like, it’s just the little things. It’s the little things. But I watched episode six then with my sons on the couch them on either side of me. And it was a wonderful thing. Okay.
Kevin Heffernan:
Speaking of dick’s. Yeah. Can you give us a little update on your
Steve Lemme:
Sitch? On my hernia? Your sitch
Kevin Heffernan:
For those who didn’t listen last week or let me recently had hernia surgery and to get that all reinforced down there. Yeah. And how are you rehabbing? I’m
Steve Lemme:
Healing. Have you
Kevin Heffernan:
Been doing als?
Steve Lemme:
No, I have no, I haven’t been doing my C als though. I should. That’s a great idea. Yeah. I should do C als. But I’m, I’m healing perfectly. I went to the doctor and he checked me out and I’m healing perfectly. But then I was feeling so good. I did the classic mistake. Oh Jesus. I played soccer with my seven year old. Oh geez. And I moved around a little too much and I aggravated it. Okay. And so I’ve been on the road icing, my icing my groin. Okay. And what do you, you
Kevin Heffernan:
Go to the ice machine at the hotel?
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Well and then in Chicago.
Kevin Heffernan:
And you used pour it onto your man’s pubis. Is that
Steve Lemme:
What you do in Chicago? I went with the ice pocket to the ice machine. And were you
Kevin Heffernan:
Gingerly kind of wobbling over the
Steve Lemme:
Ice? Yeah, I’ve been limping. And the ice machine was out of order. And so then I went up one flight to the next floor and that ice machine was out of
Kevin Heffernan:
Order. You groaning? Oh yeah.
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. And then, oh my bulls, because I was walking up the stairs my, and then I went, oh my fucking bulls the next floor. My, yeah. And that one was out of order.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay.
Steve Lemme:
Oh no, sorry. That one wasn’t even there. Right in where the ice machine goes, there was no ice machine. So finally I went up to the top floor. Right. So I was like, the top floor people are playing paying top dollar up here. That’s
Kevin Heffernan:
Big. That’s the good ice up there. Yeah. That’s the really good ice. That’s
Steve Lemme:
Like cube ice. And there they had ice. So I got it. I’ve been icing. I’ve been icing my crotch.
Kevin Heffernan:
It’d be pretty funny if you iced it right there. You just stood by the ice machine.
Steve Lemme:
I mean it so bad.
Kevin Heffernan:
And just ice the people as people would come into the ice machine. Oh, okay. Sorry. What are you doing? Oh, sorry, I’m just icing my bowls. Oh, the dogs were barking. Oh my God. You should try. It feels so good. Oh, this is
Steve Lemme:
Great. Good ice here.
Kevin Heffernan:
And so what would you say that you’re like 90% now? Or where are you? What are you?
Steve Lemme:
No, I’m like 70%. Oh Jesus. Okay. Well you realize having surgery, like, I mean the outside isn’t even healed. The inside is not healed. It’s healing and it’s healing perfectly. There’s no more swelling or anything like that. But it’s still like Right. I was knifed into Sure. It makes me, honestly, it makes me question why Kaisei let her fucking soldiers rest in episode four. Why? She was so just in a rush to, I mean, these guys just went through a battle with the dead.
Kevin Heffernan:
Sure.
Steve Lemme:
And it’s like you got to rest when you’ve got some wounds.
Kevin Heffernan:
Right. You got to recuperate.
Steve Lemme:
There’s healing. It’s like, I can’t mean you’re with me the whole time. I’m slow in the airport. Right. I’m slow getting in and out of cars. I refuse to be manhandled by people on the meet and greet line.
Kevin Heffernan:
Have you been able to resume your functions down there? Your carnal functions? Have you ever been to
Steve Lemme:
No.
Kevin Heffernan:
No. Okay. No,
Steve Lemme:
The doctor said no, no, no. I mean literally he said don’t bang it on anything. And that means an ass as well as other stuff. He said no contact sports, if you know what I mean.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. Okay. So you can’t do anything.
Steve Lemme:
No, I can’t do. Well, I can, I mean,
Kevin Heffernan:
Alright, easy now
Steve Lemme:
I can. Easy now just, but I mean, everything works.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah.
Steve Lemme:
Everything works great. But the truth is I’m not horny.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. Although
Steve Lemme:
Here’s the new
Kevin Heffernan:
Steve Lemmy. Holy
Steve Lemme:
Shit. Here’s what I will say, man. I’m
Kevin Heffernan:
Not, Hey, I’m not
Steve Lemme:
Horny. You know what news? I’m not horny
Kevin Heffernan:
Guys. Only when I see a female firefighter,
Steve Lemme:
That’s it. Well, that’s the thing. So here’s the tangent I was going to go off on before. Yeah. I do get horny when I’m driving in a car.
Kevin Heffernan:
You do? Right now? Yeah.
Steve Lemme:
Right now I’m horny Kev.
Kevin Heffernan:
Why? That makes me uncomfortable.
Steve Lemme:
You know what it is? Okay. I actually, I looked it up. You looked
Kevin Heffernan:
It up. What does that mean? Okay.
Steve Lemme:
I looked it up. It’s something, you know, do you research things? You lift things up.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. What’d you research?
Steve Lemme:
Well, I researched why it is that when I’m, I’m in vehicles, I get horny in an airplane on a car, I get horny. It’s like I’m just my, I’m just alive.
Kevin Heffernan:
What is the reason? It’s
Steve Lemme:
A phenomenon that is known to truckers. It’s something called Motor dick.
Kevin Heffernan:
Motor
Steve Lemme:
Dick.
Kevin Heffernan:
Yeah. That’s a great band name
Steve Lemme:
Motor dick. And it’s,
Kevin Heffernan:
Hey, you want to go see Motor Dick this weekend?
Steve Lemme:
Hey, Motorhead was fronted by Lemmy. So Motor dick,
Kevin Heffernan:
Motor Dick’s got, they’re playing this weekend
Steve Lemme:
Also fronted by
Kevin Heffernan:
Lemmy at Woolies Des Moines. Let’s go
Steve Lemme:
See. Yeah. But what it is, it’s like, it’s the vibration from the road. Okay.
Kevin Heffernan:
It’s
Steve Lemme:
Just vibrating. It’s just jiggling. What I’d like to know is if women get motor dick too.
Kevin Heffernan:
Oh, is that the whole thing where they sit on washing machines and stuff like that?
Steve Lemme:
Yeah, yeah. It’s the vibration. And so it’s like when I am in a car, I am always fucking Randy. Really? Yeah. I’m always, that makes me a little bit uncomfortable. Yeah. No, I’m horny right now, queen. But
Kevin Heffernan:
It’s not, don’t
Steve Lemme:
Like that. It’s not misdirected. It’s not like I just have to fuck the first thing I see. Sure.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. Which is you.
Steve Lemme:
Okay. It’s not like that. I can save it, but it’s like I get all fired up and on airplanes too. But it’s like, especially when I’m over the wing. You know what I’m talking about The
Kevin Heffernan:
Wing when I’m over the wing?
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Holy shit Queen. Your voice cracked so hard on stage
Kevin Heffernan:
Last night. I know. And I think it was because the night before I was talking in that bar too loud and then my voice got a little crackly and I was cracked.
Steve Lemme:
I was backstage and I heard your voice crack
Kevin Heffernan:
A
Steve Lemme:
Couple times during a silent moment. It wasn’t something you could cover up. Everybody heard your voice
Kevin Heffernan:
Crack. That’s endearing. Lemi. That makes you a human. I
Steve Lemme:
Worked to you about it when I came on stage. People
Kevin Heffernan:
Laughed about it. You’re not a nice person because
Steve Lemme:
I’m inhuman because
Kevin Heffernan:
You got motor dick. But
Steve Lemme:
I was backstage. I was laughing my ass off about
Kevin Heffernan:
It. Yeah. Well, okay, so motor dick is your thing and that makes me a little
Steve Lemme:
Bit uncomfortable. I’m just saying, I’m just, so that’s the one. That’s the one I’m right now all my horniness is coming back
Kevin Heffernan:
Okays. And
Steve Lemme:
So that’s good. I’m
Kevin Heffernan:
Horny. That means Lemy is back in the, when he starts humping things like look at those
Steve Lemme:
Clouds. I want to fuck those clouds. Yeah, I
Kevin Heffernan:
Bet you do. Let’s give a little update on where we’re going next week, which is kind of interesting. Let’s do it. So we haven’t quite get the show picked up yet, but what we do next week is we’re going to go to what’s called the Upfronts in New York. And for those of you guys who don’t know, the Upfronts are a yearly event. And basically every network, every TV network has it. And so week, it’s kind of like a trade show week essentially where you go it, every network goes and sells their advertising time for the year to people who buy advertising. And so basically it’s a big kind of blowout. Every network gets a day, ABC’s on Monday and NBC’s on Tuesday, whatever it is. And all these kind of buyers go and they trot out all the stars of the shows and they make presentations.
And here’s why you should buy ad time during this thing. So it’s kind of a big kind of a party trade show event essentially. And so we’re going to go True tv, although we have not been picked up yet. No, true TV has invited the whole cast of Tacoma FD to go out to the upfronts. And it’s kind of fun. You go to the thing and we go to the Turner Fronts because Tru TV is in the Turner Entertainment family. And so all the people from T b s and T N T and C N N and H B O and all these people will be in the same camp. And then Anderson Cooper or Conan O’Brien or whoever, we’ll go out there and they’ll make presentations and they’ll introduce people and then they’ll have dinners and parties and it’s a good time. It’s a good time.
And so that’s where we’re going to be next week. That’s why we’re suspending our little road tour. We got to go out there and press the flesh, try to get our show picked up. Yeah. Hopefully we’ll know by then. Yeah. Because it’s hard to sell ad time if you don’t know if you’re going to have a show to Exactly. To sell ad time. But it’s been great so far because getting numbers back and the numbers are super exciting. We, in the broken lizard world, and maybe it’s the true TV world, we don’t quite get the same love as anybody else does. Numbers. Our numbers are really good, but we don’t seem to be in the headlines of it. There was an article that came out yesterday and they talked about, now they measure D V R watching so they can measure over the course of a week how many times somebody watches your show or how many people watch your show where it used to be like your show’s on at it brought it airs on Thursday night at eight o’clock. And they could tell you how people watch it now because of D V R. They have to tell you for the whole week because people watch it on delay. And so we had a massive jump in our D V R numbers, meaning somebody, people didn’t necessarily watch it on Thursday night, but they watch it on Monday night or Tuesday night. And so we jumped 300% in our D V R numbers. Yeah. So 300% more people watched it
Steve Lemme:
Over seven
Kevin Heffernan:
Days. Over seven. And so the industry puts out these numbers and what was the title? It was like Game of Thrones was number one and cable. And then
Steve Lemme:
What we do in the Shadows,
Kevin Heffernan:
What we do in the shadows is number two
Steve Lemme:
With, and that was the headline of the headline of the article. And then the first line of the article said, yeah, game of Thrones had a massive L plus seven and what we do in the Shadows was in second place with the L plus seven with 300%. By the way, they also tied with Tacoma FD that also had 300%. We were like
Kevin Heffernan:
An afterthought by why aren’t we in the fucking title? Why can’t we were second. Yeah. Right. What we do in the Shadows was a second. We were second. Yeah.
Steve Lemme:
And you actually, why’d they say that? And you actually look at the numbers then. And we actually had a bigger live number than what we do in the shadows. Yeah.
Kevin Heffernan:
So it’s like, it is funny that we’re getting these great numbers. We’d always get the love. We’re a little bit of the redheaded stepchild sometimes I think. Well,
Steve Lemme:
The funniest thing is
Kevin Heffernan:
I, because we’re outside of the box a little bit,
Steve Lemme:
I guess. So I guess people just don’t respect us, Kevin. But that’s fine. I would always rather be the under. We
Kevin Heffernan:
Were number two, but they didn’t say we were
Steve Lemme:
Number two. I would always rather be the underdog. You’re right. I looked at our numbers. We were exactly tied with what we do in the shadows. That’s fine. Except for our live numbers. Were larger than theirs by like 3%. But I think that’s a funny thing. I would always rather be the underdog. Sure. And look, we’ll get ’em. I know the network has submitted us for an Emmy,
Kevin Heffernan:
That would be awesome. Lemy wins
Steve Lemme:
An Emmy. Lemy wins an Emmy.
Kevin Heffernan:
If Lemy won an Emmy, oh
Steve Lemme:
Be, you would never hear the end of it. Yeah. But
Kevin Heffernan:
We’ll never win an Emmy.
Steve Lemme:
We’ll, never. We’re not awards guys. Well that and that’s, and therein is the difference is that if it comes down to best new comedy series, okay. You’ve heard right now we are the number one new comedy series on cable for 18 to
Kevin Heffernan:
- Yeah,
Steve Lemme:
Baby. Yeah, baby. Okay. But if it came down to it and it was between, let’s say Us and what we do in the Shadows, they’ll definitely give it to what we do in the shadows. Sure. Because it’s on fx. It’s like they’re, they’re critical darlings. But it
Kevin Heffernan:
Doesn’t matter. But it doesn’t matter. But people are
Steve Lemme:
Watching. But True tv. But True TV has got a nice show on their hands now and we’re so glad to be that show
Kevin Heffernan:
And people are watching More and More Ex every week. And thanks to you guys out there and thanks to the True Crew and it’s catching on, which is
Steve Lemme:
Great. It’s great. And we love the C Crew. True Crew. We’ll, say it again. You come to our live shows, you get a Hugs Mother’s Day, you bring your mother to our show in Minneapolis at the Cedar Cultural Center this Sunday, May 12th, your mom will get a hug even if she’s not in the true crew. And I’ll tell you what, she’ll probably become a part of the true crew after
Kevin Heffernan:
That. I think there were some moms that showed up last night at Woolies.
Steve Lemme:
There were a couple, there was a fire mom. There was that one mom who was like, that’s right. The matriarch of the whole fire family.
Kevin Heffernan:
That’s right. That’s right. That’s funny.
Steve Lemme:
She was there and anyway. That’s great.
Kevin Heffernan:
Anyway, so that’s that. Oh, we should say we also finished episode, we finally finished the 10th episode in terms of all the production stuff, the sound and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Post-production stuff. That’s fun. So We’re excited there. So now we’ll just focus on doing some shows and maybe try to put together a new season. Yeah, that’s what we’ll try. Okay. Crew’s it man. That’s it. J.
Steve Lemme:
Crew. Good. We love you guys. We’re so back. Happy to be back doing the chewing again. Chewing it. What’s that podcast called?
Kevin Heffernan:
Chewing It. It’s called Chewing It. And also happy to do a car cast.
Steve Lemme:
Happy to do a car cast on this road, which has been
Kevin Heffernan:
A while since
Steve Lemme:
Road is fucking killing me. Although it is making me horny. This really,
Kevin Heffernan:
It’s a great podcast road because it’s just straight.
Steve Lemme:
It’s straight. It’s just
Kevin Heffernan:
Straight and it’s flat and it making Let me horny. Yeah. What are we going to do about that? I don’t know. Well
Steve Lemme:
Hopefully we’ll fly this.
Kevin Heffernan:
You stop with the lions den right here
Steve Lemme:
At the adult bookstore. Yeah, the adult shop. The lions den Excitements. Are you going to do Really? I’d just like to stop at Cracker Barrel and fuck Is that
Kevin Heffernan:
Why they Lion Den is so popular because like truckers are like
Steve Lemme:
Yeah. Feeling it. Yeah. Dude.
Kevin Heffernan:
People got porn on their phones now though. They don’t need to start with the lions
Steve Lemme:
Then. I know. I know. I know. But it’s like, I think that people just need to pull over
Kevin Heffernan:
Motor dick. Huh? Dick? I’ve never had it or experienced it. Maybe because I
Steve Lemme:
Really, you don’t
Kevin Heffernan:
Get a, I don’t have any emotions.
Steve Lemme:
You don’t get aroused when you’re like, no. I find as a driver it’s not as much as when I’m riding shotgun. Yeah. Right now I’m horny, but not as horny as I will be when we switch and I’m sitting shotgun. Okay.
Kevin Heffernan:
I know. I don’t know how to feel about that.
Steve Lemme:
It’s feel good about it, Kevin. Okay. It means I’m alive.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay, good
Steve Lemme:
For you. And I’m veil. Good for you. And I’m healthy. Good. I love it. And frankly, I don’t know how I feel about you not being horny right now.
Kevin Heffernan:
Okay. Well maybe,
Steve Lemme:
I mean, you’ve been riding shocked. Maybe. I’m
Kevin Heffernan:
The guy on Game of Thrones. The eunuch, the bald guy.
Steve Lemme:
Actually there’s a lot of ’em. That’s ris.
Kevin Heffernan:
Ris. Maybe I’m varus. Yeah. And I don’t have any feelings down low. How
Steve Lemme:
Many eunuchs are left? I know you
Kevin Heffernan:
The worm.
Steve Lemme:
You’re all right. And you’re on gray. Joy. He died or see
Kevin Heffernan:
On Gray Joy. Spoiler alert.
Steve Lemme:
No, see on grade.
Kevin Heffernan:
Spoiler alert.
Steve Lemme:
Listen,
Kevin Heffernan:
Nobody caress about the
Steve Lemme:
Gray. Joy. Joy. Anyway. If you’re not. If you’re not, yeah. Well yeah. Okay. So there’s some Munich still out there. Yeah. Yeah.
Kevin Heffernan:
Spoiler
Steve Lemme:
Alert. But maybe the other thing it could be is that your tuna can is just sturdy and doesn’t move. Yeah, because this, it’s from the jiggle,
Kevin Heffernan:
Maybe it’s, it’s packed in oil
Steve Lemme:
Water. It from jiggle. It’s packed tight in that can, I would say that’s more of a spring, a spring water type thing. The oil. Then it’s like you’re all lewd up and swishing around. But sure the spring water just holds it tight.
Kevin Heffernan:
Sure. Okay. Okay. Alright. Chuchu crew, Chu crew. Thank you very much. Get your tickets for shows. We’re going to be in Portland and Tacoma and Boulder and New York City. Yeah. And then this Sunday night we’ll be in Minneapolis. Yeah. Go to Heffer and let me.com heffer and let me.com. Four tickets. Alright. What are going to chew on the way out man?
Steve Lemme:
I’m going to have some Slim Jims and some Yuhu. My road, my road food.
Kevin Heffernan:
I’m going to go with a sharp cheddar.
Steve Lemme:
Okay. Just a
Kevin Heffernan:
Sharp block of cheddar.
Steve Lemme:
Any crackers with that or Nope.
Kevin Heffernan:
Just cheese because we’re moving into Wisconsin. Some slices of salami underneath that Cheddar? Nope, just the cheese. Okay. Alright. Alright, you crew, we will talk to you next week, right? Yes, we will. Yeah, baby. Yes. We’ll, okay. Oh, delicious. Wisconsin cheese. I love it.